Cutters
From the Self Injury Community Forum:
"I haven't cut in about two weeks and i'm going ok, but i constantly find myself thinking about it way more often. But i have had self control, up until now...
Today though, we had art class and we are doing smth to do with carving and we use a tool that is really sharp [and it cuts real well, i've tried it].
So I was sitting there looking at them [it is a set of 5] and i just wanted to cut, i needed to so badly but i was thinking i can't do it now, everybody can see me...
So i got away with it this time, but i'm afraid that later today, especially when i'm in the bathroom, i will give in and i don't want to...
Actually, i don't know what i want..."
Wow. There's lots more where that came from.
"I haven't cut in about two weeks and i'm going ok, but i constantly find myself thinking about it way more often. But i have had self control, up until now...
Today though, we had art class and we are doing smth to do with carving and we use a tool that is really sharp [and it cuts real well, i've tried it].
So I was sitting there looking at them [it is a set of 5] and i just wanted to cut, i needed to so badly but i was thinking i can't do it now, everybody can see me...
So i got away with it this time, but i'm afraid that later today, especially when i'm in the bathroom, i will give in and i don't want to...
Actually, i don't know what i want..."
Wow. There's lots more where that came from.
Labels: bad ideas, lacerations
posted by scalpel at 1:16 AM
21 Comments:
Looked over that link, misery it seems does love company!
Wow!
My daughter was a "cutter", very sad. She overcame it with therapy.
These people need help!
So very sad.
What brought this up? :P
Given my personal experience with the subject, I'd hazard to guess that the vast majority of adolescent cutters grow out of it as their frontal lobes better develop the capacity for impulse control. Most adult cutters that I know (&sadly, I guess I now fall under this category) only cut under extreme duress or when they're drunk.
/had a similar experience in middle school as the person in question, actually. The boy who stole the scalpel for me was suspended for theft and I was asked to leave until my therapist could clear me as being a liability to the school.
//did end up sending a thank you card to the er doc and the np who sewed her up last year
Cutting was the hardest habit I ever had to break. Harder than quitting smoking, harder than giving up sodas.
Now I think of cutting as an addiction like any other - a person tries it out of desperation, some get hooked.
Five years now. Maybe we should get chips. :P
I agree that it's a hard habit to break.
It would also be nice if my scars faded completely, but that is not going to happen.
i'm sitting here looking at my keyboard... i want to comment so badly but i know i shouldn't... there i did it... i can't stop... should i stop?? i have free will... no i don't... must... not... comment... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
Try to understand that cutting is a shitty habit to break, just like any compensatory behavior. To many, it becomes as compulsory as eating.
OTOH, I doubt reading about a bunch of other peoples' issues with it helps.
911 --
Shh. It's a bit like your usual addiction. As in, OH SHIT I'm re-wiring my dopamine pleasure-pathways. + impulse control problems = what makes me happy? Hell, for years, I figured myself to be a masochist because I was wired to interpret pain as pleasure. (The endorphin rush rocks.)
But you need more and more. I think my worst was 150+ stitches to both arms; recently, I had 90+ stitches to one arm. Otherwise, god bless my daddy who procured a stapler for me. Some chronic cutters get suture packs. But I love me staples!
scalpel, do you come accross patients who cut themselves?? I have a freind at work that cuts herself on the arms, she is I believe bi polar and schitzophrenic, I feel sorry for her, she takes meds, but the cutting still continues, and her arms look horrible!! she is a sweet gal, but I believe she needs help more than what she is recieving now!!! what would you do if I presented her with bloody arms in your ER? do you treat and say goodbye or do you find help for her? just curiious? thanks
You know what Scalpel, the worst day of my life was the day my child came out of the bathroom with about 4 slashes across his chest and abdomen. All self-inflicted. Blood was running every where and all I knew to do was call 911.
I remember the ER doc. talking to me as though he believed this was totally normal and acceptable behavior for a teenager, while I was freaking out. I thought the doctor was as messed up as my own child was. I had never seen nor experienced anything at all like it. I have been pretty low at times in my life, but never has doing this seemed like an option. It is something I had never even considered.
He was admitted to adolescent psych that night because I knew this was behavior that had to stop RIGHT NOW! We never did find out what really triggered such a thing but that has been over half his life ago and now he is the father of teenagers himself. He never did this again and neither do his children.
But, it for sure, is horrifying to experience.
The bottom line is that cutters usually aren't suicidal or true dangers to themselves, so Psych usually blows them off too.
The whitest person I've ever seen was an inmate in solitary confinement who lived at a hemoglobin of 5 from all his cutting (normal is 13-16). All the doctors finally refused to transfuse him anymore, and once he realized that we weren't going to replenish his tank every time he acted out, he didn't cut himself so much.
The bottom line is that cutters usually aren't suicidal or true dangers to themselves, so Psych usually blows them off too.
Kinda sorta but not really...most have borderline personality disorder and are ALWAYS suicidal. The cutting isn't really a suicidal gesture, however, it's just a maladaptive way to deal with their feelings. I still don't really get it. If you ask a borderline WHY they cut, the answer is usually "I don't know" vs. "I wanted to kill myself."
just a warning. My sister-in-law was a cutter. She was about 20. She cut herself quite badly one night in the vaginal area and lost a lot of blood before finally showing up in the ER.
The gyn who gave her a few stiches freaked out and her her committed.
She spent a few days getting checked out, was found to be nonsuicidal, was put on even more meds and checked out.
Now what happens next time she does this but won't go to the ER because she doesnt want to be committed again? My concern is she would just bleed to death rather than face the humiliation.
just an observation
Sorry, my mind is always on surgery it seems, at first read I thought this was about scalpel having cravings for some scalpeling due to a lack thereof. I, of course, am an idiot.
i had a cutter today...buried a box cutter longitudinally into his forearm and his flexor carpi ulnaris.
he meant it this time.
"The bottom line is that cutters usually aren't suicidal or true dangers to themselves, so Psych usually blows them off too."
I suppose. I never knew /why/, except that people were always worrying that I'd accidentally off myself. Y'know, you sit down, and end up with 100+ stitches to an arm...I guess people take you seriously. They don't take you seriously when you can just stitch yourself up.
Hannah said... "you sit down, and end up with 100+ stitches to an arm...I guess people take you seriously.
I guess this is what it is all about, right?
nurse k: they are not mostly borderline. i see cutting in a lot of non-borderlines, too. i've also heard that the APA will make cutting a separate dx in the dsm-v so people who cut don't automatically get thrown into the borderline category when that's not always or even mostly the case. borderline is a rare dx but it gets thrown around loosely unfortunately.
I'm actually thrilled to see the enlightened responses here--no, cutting isn't always a borderline behavior; no, it's not always (or even usually) meant to be manipulative; yes, it is a way to cope with overwhelmingly shitty feelings. It seems like those who start 'on their own' often have trauma/abuse histories, while those without significant psych histories often pick it up via 'contagion' (seeing someone else do it, reading about it, etc, and thinking, "hey..." which is one of my big concerns about 'open' self-injury forums). It's a bitch of a habit to break, not least because of the secrecy and shame surrounding it. Think about it--you might ask your friends and family to help you quit smoking, or even drinking; how likely would you be to say, "Hey, could you help me not injure myself with sharp objects anymore?"
@911DOC:
yeah, seriously.
Cutting yourself because of some mental illness, ie schizophrenia...well, I can see that.
But these people who cut themselves and then blog every thought that went through their minds while they were doing it, and after they were doing it, and the horrified rxns of all their friends and family, and all the "drama" of their little cutting episodes--these are just self-pitying exhibitionists.
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