Most Blatant Drug-Seeker Ever
Our award-winner presented with a chronic condition that admittedly had the potential to be painful. With the right story, he might have scored some decent narcs. Unfortunately, he lacked that certain finesse that his more expert colleagues have polished to a glistened luster.
So after we had ruled out the potentially life-threatening conditions that his presentation mimicked, it was time for the all-important disposition. Since I'm the friendly sort of ER doc that typically makes my patients as comfortable as a kitten curled up on the end of the bed on a quiet sunny morning, I suppose I gave him the wrong impression. After I wheeled him to the bathroom myself, he eagerly pushed his entire stack of chips forward and went all-in. He whispered:
"Say, doc...can you write me for 90 Somas and some Xanax? And what's the name of those little white pills, I forget their street name. Damn. Oh, well...how about some of that cough syrup too. Phenergan with codeine."
Sorry dude. You busted.