The Worst Thing
It's usually a casual acquaintance or a stranger who asks, for some reason. As soon as someone discovers what I do for a living, they immediately want to know "what is the worst thing you have seen?" I'll be buying milk at the corner gas station or getting my oil changed at Jiffy Lube, wearing my scrubs from the night before. "Are you a doctor?" they ask.
Yup.
"What do you do?"
I'm an ER doc.
"An ear doc?"
No. Emergency Medicine. I'm an Emergency Medicine Physician.
"Wow. I bet you see some crazy shit."
Yup, I smile. Or maybe it's a grimace, because I know what is coming next.
I can't really tell them the worst thing I have ever seen, because it is so horrible that it almost makes me cry just to think about it. Tears are welling up even as I type this. I honestly recommend that you stop reading now and don't give in to your curiosity.
We see so many tragedies in this profession, is one really any worse than the other? Traumatic amputations, burns, drownings, sudden deaths, brain tumors, rapes, suicides....they are all emotionally difficult. But it's the children that are always the hardest for me.
I was a scared and clueless third year medical student doing my first rotation in the ER when the paramedics brought her in. I think she was probably 8 or 9 years old. Her father went into her room that morning to find only an open window. She was finally discovered late in the afternoon, discarded in a roadside ditch with her throat sliced all the way across, somehow missing the major blood vessels but lacerating her trachea. The sight of her breathing through her gaping neck wound and the realization that someone could be that evil were shocking enough, but the memory of that muddy shivering young girl covered with what appeared to be a million ant bites all over her body haunts me to this day. The bravest person I have ever seen, she never cried.
To ask such a question of a mere acquaintance as cavalierly as one might ask about my favorite restaurant is really a bit more personal than either of us expects from a polite conversation across a counter.
Yup.
"What do you do?"
I'm an ER doc.
"An ear doc?"
No. Emergency Medicine. I'm an Emergency Medicine Physician.
"Wow. I bet you see some crazy shit."
Yup, I smile. Or maybe it's a grimace, because I know what is coming next.
I can't really tell them the worst thing I have ever seen, because it is so horrible that it almost makes me cry just to think about it. Tears are welling up even as I type this. I honestly recommend that you stop reading now and don't give in to your curiosity.
We see so many tragedies in this profession, is one really any worse than the other? Traumatic amputations, burns, drownings, sudden deaths, brain tumors, rapes, suicides....they are all emotionally difficult. But it's the children that are always the hardest for me.
I was a scared and clueless third year medical student doing my first rotation in the ER when the paramedics brought her in. I think she was probably 8 or 9 years old. Her father went into her room that morning to find only an open window. She was finally discovered late in the afternoon, discarded in a roadside ditch with her throat sliced all the way across, somehow missing the major blood vessels but lacerating her trachea. The sight of her breathing through her gaping neck wound and the realization that someone could be that evil were shocking enough, but the memory of that muddy shivering young girl covered with what appeared to be a million ant bites all over her body haunts me to this day. The bravest person I have ever seen, she never cried.
To ask such a question of a mere acquaintance as cavalierly as one might ask about my favorite restaurant is really a bit more personal than either of us expects from a polite conversation across a counter.
posted by scalpel at 4:14 AM
12 Comments:
I've never asked a doc this because I don't know too many docs socially, but now that I've read all the medical blogs, I understand why that question is completely inappropriate.
Just like you never ask a police officer if they've ever shot anyone.
In my day job (international hazmat logistics), everyone thinks it's all glamourous jet-setting. Ha. If only. I had a clinical psychologist with a good job, begging me to hire her. I kept trying to explain that it wouldn't be what she thought it was, but she kept calling. I finally stopped taking her calls.
I guess she couldn't stand her clients, but didn't realize not being a psychologist wouldn't insulate her from crazy people. My field has more than its fair share, they're called customers.
M
Yes, the ER is a place where you see unbelievable things. Just when you think you've seen "everything", you see something even more bizarre. It finally got to me--or maybe I just got tired--and so I "put myself out to pasture" in the home health arena.
I tend not to tell people what I do for a living. I'm quite pround of my job and how I do it. But I hate the "crazy stuff" conversation, the curbside consults, and the different way people treat me once they know what I do.
It drives my wife crazy that I will tell someone I have just met that I am a "stay at home dad," a dog catcher, or that I "work in a body shop." She understands why I say it, but she hates having to remember the cover story.
And then eventually, I have to come clean . . .
That's an image that would haunt anyone forever -- that poor little child! Were you able to find out if she survived and if her assailant was ever caught?
The human capacity for evil can reduce even the strongest to tears, but the people like you who dedicate their lives to helping others keep my faith in humanity alive. If the time ever comes when depravity like this doesn't make us cry, we're in big trouble.
I never ask ER docs to tell me their war stories. I've been around long enough to know it's nothing that I really want to hear.
The child that haunts you saw the face of evil on the day that she was attack. She also saw a compassionate third year medical student with goodness in his heart. You were there for her when she needed you. Everything happens for a reason.
MJ
I don't know what happened to her. I would assume she survived her initial injuries since she made it that far. I really wasn't involved in her care; I knew almost nothing helpful at that point in my training, and I could do nothing more than cover her up and hold her hand. I almost felt guilty for being there spectating.
The poor girl. i don't know how people can do something like that but I'm glad there are people out there that work to make sure that she recovered.
If I were to tell people about the "worst thing that I have seen" I would become physically ill.
innocent child ....... bludgeoned.........burned.......sodomized.....mom drunk....gang banging (guilty)boyfriend threatening staff.....rectal bleeding.........intubation.......chest tube.......central line........life slipping away....chest compressions.....
Different night, different but similar scenarios.
I cry alot on my way home from work often then just sit and watch my kids sleep peacefully before going to bed
You're right that it's the kids. I saw the little boy whose ultimately fatal injuries from the abuse by his father led to a law in our state named after him....
On a lighter note: since no one ever comments on my humorous links (or any links, for that matter; making me wonder if people even click on them) I'll say I liked your grimace.
Thanks for posting this. As one who is morbidly curious, it would not be unusual for me to ask for stories of "the worst." I'd never thought of how being questioned about those experiences would sit with the person who went through it. I shall never, ever, casually ask such a question again.
I won't comment on the child incident, because such horrific tragedy speaks for itself and doesn't need anything from me.
Regarding the "crazy shit" queries, yes, they come from people who haven't seen it except on TV where George Clooney takes care of them while holding their hand. Most of the time, they're probably looking for stories about what you've pulled out of people's rectums.
when i was a house doc (i think the americans call it something else but the year after medical school) i was working in casualties (americans call it er) in qwaqwa (will one day talk about this place but not here) they brought in this 4 month old baby that had been sodomised. her rectum and vagina were no longer separate and there was feces everywhere. the perp was actually there!!! the pediatrician, a cuban on contract in our country, could not bring herself to examine the patient. i don't blame her. but the fact is she told me to. so i did. i don't really want to say more.. the sad thing is that is not the worst thing i've ever seen. i live in a strange country.
by the way, i always ask cops if they've shot someone when i find out what they do. i think this might be normal in my country but i'm not sure.
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