Still more stomach pumping fun....

A middle age man also got his stomach pumped and the charcoal mixture instilled. He then began to have copious diarrhea, as expected. The goal is to try to empty the stomach and intestines to get the offending medication out of the body before it can be absorbed. Things were going exactly as planned.

Anyway, this guy, who was also drunk and obnoxious, kept wanting the nurses to wipe his ass for him. His nurse was a golfing buddy of mine, a guy I have worked with for 10 years. He is a big ole country boy, well over 300 pounds, he is one of the best ER nurses anywhere, and he is unflappable.

So the patient comes out of the room and stumbles toward the bathroom in his hospital gown saying, "My ass is raw, come wipe my ass when I'm done." My buddy says, "You can clean yourself up, I'm not doing it for you."

The patient said, "Well you'll clean this up then." He lifted up his gown, bent over, and sprayed the black charcoal/diarrhea mixture five feet onto the wall and all over the floor.

My friend never missed a beat. He picked up the intercom, smiled at the patient, and said calmly.... "Housekeeping to Team A."

When the housekeeper arrived, the look on her face was unforgettable. Talk about a shitty job.